Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
