How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
