Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
