Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
