I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
