Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
