Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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