Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
sex in a hospital.. check
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
