The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
