I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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