I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
