hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
