Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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