I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
