And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
