how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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