This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
