Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
