Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She needs sedatives and a leash
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
