'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
