Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
