my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
