I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
