She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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