I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
