Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
