I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
