He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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