I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
