Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
