It's Friday. Sex?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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