he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
