You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Randomize
