god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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