Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
