I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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