When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
