hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
