but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
