did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
