i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
