drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I FOUND THE LEGS
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
