Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
sex in a hospital.. check
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
