There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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