Got a toothbrush?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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