"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
how does that bad decision feel?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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