so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Two words: blizzard sex
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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