is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
