Your tits are I can't wait for
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
