hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
